how long should I wait for a proposal.

By on August 17th, 2010

My boyfriend and I have been best friends for 7-8 years. We began dating a little over 2.5 years ago and have been living together for 1.5.

We both have good jobs, and steady income. He is 26 and I am 27.

We began talking about marriage 6 months into the relationship (initiated by me). I know that typically dating for 6 months is not nearly long enough to get married– I felt that we were different, however, as we have been best friends for so long that we know each other better than anyone else. He also came and lived with me for 6 months during our friendship while I went to school out of state.
I’ve become pretty impatient to the point that it has lead to arguments (yelling). I feel really bad about that and I hope that I haven’t ruined a proposal or made him feel bad, but I can’t help but feel resentment. The reason I feel resentment is that over the years we’ve had many conversations about this. I’ve asked him when he wanted to get engaged, when he thought an appropriate time for us was, and the things he wanted to accomplish before doing so. He told me that he was thinking around 1.5-2 years of dating was the right time. He also said that he wanted to be done with school. Well 1.5-2 years have come and gone, and although he didn’t finish going to school, he stopped going over a year ago. I asked him last night if “finishing school” was just an excuse– as he doesn’t appear to be in school at this point, and there’s still no engagement. He said no and that “he still wanted to finish school first.” I said “well you must want to marry me very badly because you’re not even in school.”.
Anyway, you can see how the arguments go. I don’t want to argue. I don’t want to even talk about it. I feel like after the couple has made it clear their timelines and goals and that they both want the same things and both want to marry one another that a proposal should just come naturally–and relatively soon. I think it’s a shame that it hasn’t and that our relationship has come to fighting over it.
After some pressure put on him by some friends of ours he encouraged me to look for rings. I was ecstatic. I found one– a one-of-a-kind antique, very much my style, and showed it to him. I thought for sure since it was an antique and not guaranteed to be around forever that he would buy it, but he didn’t. A few weeks went by and asked him where he was on the ring thing and just if he had thought about it any further. Although I would like to not talk about it and let it be a surprise, I also know that my boyfriend is a huge procrastinator, and unless he feels motivation to do something he’ll forget all about it (we’ve had a half-remodeled kitchen for 6 months now to show for it). At that moment, when I brought up the ring, he went online to the site it was on and contacted the owner and asked if the owner had any payment plans available. He did this in front of me. I thought it was a very sweet gesture just to say “hey, I’m on this, I won’t let you down.”
The owner of the ring responded that he could buy the ring in 3 payments (don’t get me wrong I didn’t pick out an outrageously expensive ring, I asked him his price range first). Well a couple of weeks later he says to me that “he thinks he’s just going to hold off for now and try to save some money for the next few months.” Well, in a few months the ring isn’t going to be there, so once again I feel kind of drained/let down. I kind of feel like I’m being teased and it’s really emotionally draining.
So i guess this was kind of a vent/rant session, but out of it I have a few questions for which I would appreciate opinions:
1.) I know that a relationship is supposed to be about what both people want, but that’s just it– I am a person in this relationship too, and I would like to get married by the time I am 30. This was a compromise for me, as when we first started dating (when i was 24) I said I wanted to get married by 27. How much longer should I wait before I decide that maybe we’re just not the right fit. I suppose I have two options here, either determine that he is the man for me, and wait as long as it takes. Or, decide that having the same goals/respecting each other’s goals is too important of a relationship aspect for me to compromise on and try to find someone who respects my goals. If I chose the second, how long should I wait before making that decision.

2.) Have I ruined the proposal/engagement by fighting about it/making ultimatums/nagging.

3.) Would you take his continuous procrastination and lack of effort as a sign that he’s “just not that into me” and maybe doesn’t want marriage.

4.) I told him I felt that it was mean of him to have me look for/pick out a ring if he didn’t intend on proposing. Am I wrong to feel this way. I
Actually my post had great paragraph structure, but you are limited to 5,000 characters so I had to eliminate many spaces, and when I submitted the formatting was changed by the website, not by me. So thank you for the smart-ass response.
Thank-you. Although harsh, at least your response has some decent advice now.