STAY AT HOME MOMMY MARRIED TO A**HOLE.
By
on
February 25th, 2010
I have never done this before. I even made another email account so my husband wouldn’t find out that I am reaching out. I cannot reach out to him. I have tried. I have tried to tell my husband how I feel but it gets turned into me, the one with the problem, there is something wrong with me. I tell him how he makes me feel and he will tell me no i dont do that and if you feel that way it is because of you. Maybe he is right. I have even used Dr phils terms.me, i feel.and avoided saying you this and you that.
I am a stay at home mom of three boys 6, 3, 14mo. My six yr old is in school. I am home with 2. We have been married for over seven yrs. My problem is that i feel totally trapped in my house and in life, used, exhausted, overwhelmed, unfocused, tired, ugly, hated, worthless, helpless, hopeless.
I dont know what to do.
I cannot go anywhere by myself, for time to my self, even when my husband is home i cannot leave without taking at least one child. or it is an argument. I have gone out but when I do I come home to a pissed off husband(pissed off i guess cause the kids are acting like kids) my reprieve it immediately over the minute i walk in, as if i never had a break. I will never hear my husband say go sit down, take a load off, you look tired can i help with somehting.,,,is there anything i can do. I take that back.he would say that to anyone but me. And oh my god when i am sick he acts like it is not that big of a deal, i am probably faking it anyway. When i am sick he is more of a jerk cause he knows that i am wanting him to help out. When i am sick he is on me.did you take care of this today.did you do this.etc.
My husband is a carpenter and remodels mostly baths and kitchens but can do it all. He does work hard to support our family. I show him in many many ways that i appreciate him and how hard he works. But i need that too. I need to be valued. I feel helpless. I try to explain how i feel. The fact that i am at home with no adult interaction taking care of everything and everyone and no one there telling me what a great job i am doing. I cannot expect that from my kids.they are kids. I know my husband is not responsible for my happiness but he affects it. He has a boss, customers and paycheck validating what he does everyday. He comes home and says ‘oh mr and mrs so and so loved there new kitchen and custom tile i just did, they thought it was great and that i did a good job’.and keeps on and on about it.he will tell everyone he knows so he can boost his ego .then he has me listening to him confirming that for him. When I paint a room, put up a shelf, re-arrange, organize, beautify, clean, cook an awesome meal etc.if i do anything and hope for some pat on the back or atta girl or that looks great. i dont get it. i get, well it looks like a painted wall, what do you want me to say or why did you do that or nothing at all. What I am looking for is .you did a great job, good idea, that looks good.some sort of validation.anything. I feel more like the hired help, the assistant even his child at times.
after telling my husband, during and argument, that i need a break.he told me i dont get a break unless i drop the kids off somewhere. He denies saying that to this day.
I feel everyone around him gets the best of him and then when it comes to me and our family there is nothing left and we have to deal with that cause he works “for us”. He works approx 7-4p. sometimes more. He would say he works harder than anyone cause of “what he does”.
We live in an older house that needs work and tending to. Shouldn’t be a big deal.that is what he does for a living. He always wants to do the cheap fix, what works not what is the best. You know what they say about a carpenters wife.while he is building mansions the carpenters wife lives in a shack.or something like that. When i ask questions about things i dont know about(house stuff) he almost bites my head off and has this certain tone of voice as if i knew the answer and what a stupid question. I know he doesn’t talk to his customers like that when they ask questions.
When he talks to other people, boss(female boss), his brothers, dad, his friends .I cannot help but to be jealous.he talks to them with total respect doesn’t down them. For example.my husband and i were talking about a certain subject(i cannot remember) and when i voiced my opinion or my side he totally blew up. it of course turned into an argument.i was this and that.so the next day his brother was over and the same subject came up and his brother said exactly what i said, made the same points that i did.and my husband tells his brother oh you might be right, or you have a point i never thought of that. he has respect for his brother.what about me.
He has little patience. He comes home sometimes and with in the first 10-20 min he is yelling at the kids telling th
Nelson says:
I can see why he’s an azzhole, I’d be one too if I were with you.
February 25th, 2010 at 12:57 am
gansta says:
The answer right in your face, mami. its time to move on.
February 25th, 2010 at 1:49 am
mrs g2 says:
When he’s at work, pack up the kids and leave. He’s a control freak, and it will never be any better than it is now.and will probably get worse.
February 25th, 2010 at 2:43 am
Jean-Luc Picard says:
welcome to the life of the stay at home parent, regardless of gender. why do you think the stay at home parent role is dying.
February 25th, 2010 at 3:19 am
Starfish says:
Your story is the story of many homemakers out there, sadly.
If anyone tells you to leave they don’t understand how impossible that feels or how stuck you are or how you’re too tired to even contemplate the upheaval.
That being said.I did leave.eventually. Remarried and never have I been so happy.
Good luck to you.
February 25th, 2010 at 3:57 am
A says:
Good grief why on earth did you have all those kids with him then. look, he’s not going to change. You either put up with it or leave him. I know which one I’d do.
February 25th, 2010 at 4:39 am
BAH says:
“To Room 19″
A woman in your same situation (with a decent husband), and killed herself over it all.
You need to reassert yourself in your own eyes before you can in your husband’s. Take some time to find yourself in anyway you can, make sacrifices. Then address your husband’s attitude toward you if it doesn’t fix itself once you’re happier.
You are the ruler of your life.
February 25th, 2010 at 5:31 am
athao18 says:
free yourself.there is no reason you should feel like that.you deserve better amd deserve MORE. My sister was in the same marriage and she left him.but now he a BIGGER A** but she’s HAPPY.
February 25th, 2010 at 6:19 am
Backhoe says:
He’s a control freak. Pack up and leave him
February 25th, 2010 at 6:59 am
Siobhan says:
i totally understand where your coming from my husband works 70 hours a week i only have a two year old hes lost all respect for you, if i was you i would say your going to shop and leave him with all the kids for say 5 hours and then say how did that feel im stuck here everyday ity was the only way for me to make you understand i hope it works let him walk in you shoes for a day and see how he feels
February 25th, 2010 at 7:45 am
sassycattoys.com says:
Why did you procreate with this ass. Can you say control freak.
TIme to get a bottle of self esteem and move on.
February 25th, 2010 at 8:39 am
Jen says:
You can tell him you want to go to counseling or get a divorce. He has no respect for you. The fact that he can’t even take good care of his own kids should make him realize that it is a hard job, with no pay and no time off. Tell him you’re not going to put up with it anymore. If he treats you like that it’s because you’re letting him get away with it.
February 25th, 2010 at 9:18 am
daydreamer says:
You are the one that choses to be a stay at home mom, that is ur profession. But on the other hand, you do need a break, everyone does. It’s sounds like ur relationship with him is already over, u’ve tried talking to him and he didn’t change. When he’s at work, pack up and leave. Go to a relatives home or a friend. Let him know it’ll be permanent if he doesn’t change.
February 25th, 2010 at 10:08 am
Amelia says:
OMG. This sounds like my bfriend except we only have been together 2years and my son is not his so it’s even harder. But I work though so it’s not as though as you.
I feel for you, I really do.
I think that you need to take a break off him, not the kids. If he would realize what he would loose he might come around to respect you. He has no respect for you and you got to have it.
Last week I told him it was over, I wanted him out. And I mean I was serious.i know in my case it’s a lot easier for me to say that but I just want you to hear what I did. He suddenly went on his knees and leaned on my lap begging for me to give him a chance and ask me what was bothering me. I told him, I need you to listen to me, do things for me to show me you appreciate me. You can’t shut me out when you decide a decision for me son, he is my son afterall and I have a say.
So I did give him a chance, I felt to bad to let him go even though I still feel today, It should of been done. Well for the past week, he has helped me in the house, appreciated me, even massage me. Omg, he has never done that.
The only problem here, is that Im pretty sure it won’t last.you know.
Maybe you should get a part time job just to make you get out and see other people than your kids. It’s also good for the kids to get babysat too and it would make you feel better.
If I were you, I would seperate for a while. If he comes back telling you he will change, that is your choice to give him a chance or not. You really need to do something about this, you can’t live your life like this. I really feel for you, its not fun being shut out all the time.
Do something about it, leave him or better yet make him leave.
February 25th, 2010 at 10:49 am
MommyOf2Girls09 says:
I know this isn’t the answer you are looking for, but.I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone. I feel every bit of that you wrote in my heart. This is MY life that you wrote. My husband isn’t a carpenter, he’s a correctional officer, but same situations. Last night I was really upset with him, and started crying. He told me to “go to the doctor and get some happy pills”. That hurts too. I wish you the best of luck in life, and I’m sorry that you have to go through this. I’m sure you’re a great person, and a wonderful mommy. From one mom to another, I think you are doing a wonderful job at home and taking care of the house. I would love to hear that every once in a while.
Oh, if you leave, he will pretend to change. Been there. We have 2 kids. We left and went to Georgia with family. We stayed seperated for 2.5 months. I thought we talked through everything, but apparently not. He went back to the same ways. Family is less likely to help the second go around if you decide to leave (again).
February 25th, 2010 at 11:33 am
t (2) says:
He either needs to respect you or get on out.or call you up a really hot plumber to come over and clean your pipes while the kids are asleep.
February 25th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
SherryF says:
Here is a wake up for him. You need to take off somewhere even to family with no children. Stay for at least a week and let him know when you get there. Don’t take any calls if you can help it. You need a break so badly, I can feel it. You poor thing. He sounds like he takes advantage of you and just expects you to do your part which he has no respect for. He thinks you do nothing so why do you need a break. He is the bread winner and he has a ringt to complaine. Whell hers is news for him, you are his equal and you work just as hard as he does and he needs to show you the respect he shows everyone else. You do not need to take this verbal abuse at all. That is what is going on here. He is abusing you and does not respect you or what you do all day. I am telling you. Take a vacation.
February 25th, 2010 at 1:03 pm
La Vie Boheme says:
Would he consider counseling. I know many men that work longer hours and just as hard as your hubby but they don’t treat their spouses like this. He doesn’t value you at all. The only thing I suggest is trying counseling. If he refuses, than I would file for divorce and make sure he supports you and the kids so you can stay in the house.
February 25th, 2010 at 1:50 pm