Is what my hubby did legal .
By
on
September 29th, 2008
I am 21 yrs old college student and my husband is 25 yrs old works in computer programming.we have been married 5.5 months but already on the rocks. Heres what happened my hubby and i split right before our wedding because of petty disagreements over just about everything as in the wedding was called off.it got so bad with screaming yelling he told me it was over.I took comfort in an ex.bf from HS who had been my first love we broke up long ago but whom i had been intimate on/off for 3 yrs whenever i was in between relationships(single because i have never cheated on anyone and am not a slut having only been with 3 men)even though he was not nessarily.It was a short lived fling only 4-5 weeks this time around because my hubby and i got back together and got married 2 weeks later.I did not realize when i got married that i was already 6 weeks pregnant .When i found out i was pregnant i originally thought it was my husbands till i found i was 12 weeks along.I completly freaked did not know what to do attempted to cover it but could not bring myself to have an abortion.When i came clean my hubby was shocked but then became supportive saying he loved me understood and we would get past this but his actions have been erratic along with his mood swings.I spent the weekend at my cousins for a breather and came home to a mess.kitchen cabinents had been removed from the wall,stainless steel appliances all are missing,basically all furniture is gone, he left our dogs outside without food/water,most of my personal things were thrown in the backyard and it rained so my school books are ruined .What can i do my cousin thinks call the police.
I am currently back at my cousins dorm and i have no clue where my husband is his cell phone say no longer in service.
We are renting the house but are in the middle of purchasing it from the landlord.
I did not take off after telling him i was pregnant he found that out months ago and he was also unfaithful with a stripper at one point.
Quiet Desperation, Lost Reality says:
Yep, irrational. Call the cops and get an OOP.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Wanda the Warrior says:
I have no clue of the legal issues in this situation but if I were him I probably would’ve done the same thing.but earlier.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
divina says:
Call the police.
September 29th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Jonny B says:
It was his to do with as he saw fit. You ruined his life.
Serves you right.
I hope you lose everything.
September 29th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
BobbiBlu says:
I think you have learned a very strong lesson here and that he is gone.
September 29th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
adelle-rose says:
Definatly phone the police. It was criminal damage after all, have you tried speaking to your husband. It was also animal neglect, that’s another charge that could be brought against him, if you do want a divorce looks like you have grounds now on “unreasonable behavior.”
September 29th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Tammy O says:
You can call the police but all they will probably do is take an incident report whereas no one actually saw him do it sorry. Now what you should do is realize that things are not going to get any better between the two of you it will end very badly and if you are still pregnant you could risk the welfare of your unborn baby. But now you need to take your lumps you did something that caused a chain reaction so clean up your mess and move foward books can be replaced and so cant appliances but you and your baby irreplaceable
September 30th, 2008 at 12:11 am
u*asked says:
Make a police report asap. take pictures of the destruction. the police can tell you about any further action. file a small claims case against him for restitution. A judge can make him pay you for all of the damage that you can prove. document with pictures, police report, witnesses.
get a restraining order.
if the appliances are in your name then file theft reports and give his location and if he has the property he will be picked up.
His anger is understandable but his reaction was dangerously uncontrollable. What will happen next.
Nothing you have done can justify his actions.
Don’t hesitate. Start immediate proceedings. Don’t tell him what you are doing either just DO IT.
Begin divorce proceedings. This man does not need to be anywhere near you and especially your child. Imagine what he will do emotionally and physically to the child because it isn’t his.
His actions demonstrate his propensity to violence. Count yourself lucky he is gone but do whatever is necessary to protect yourself.
Stop feeling guilty. The damage is done. He handled it poorly. Now it’s time to focus on your child.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:08 am
wmayers99 says:
A police report would provide a proven record of what was done. You’ll need a lawyer to keep from being screwed even worse when your hubby files for divorce. And perhaps a shrink to explain why you felt that the way to deal with stress was to get laid. That, my dear, was a dumb thing to do.
Don’t compound the dumbness by failing to demand, through the courts if necessary, financial support for your yet-unborn child from the real father. Your child depends on you not to be stupid any more.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:53 am
Sophie E says:
sounds like a pretty rocky relationship.
you should call the police press charges and have no more contact with him, as your number 1 priority now is your baby. if he wasn’t comfortable bringing up some1 elses baby he shouldn’t have said he would support you or your child. knowing that your pregnant and to still cause you all this stress only proves that he doesn’t care.
congratulations on your pregnancy. just try not to stress to much. take care and good luck. ****
September 30th, 2008 at 2:24 am
Lucy says:
Every action gets a reaction. You go through great pains to explain why you’re not a s_lut, but that doesn’t make you any less wrong. You’ve made a lot of unwise decisions up this point. You shouldn’t have even gotten married until you were done with school and more mature. Now is the time to pull yourself up by the bra straps and start making the right decisions for your baby. You don’t get the luxury of being a stupid kid anymore. You’re almost a mother now and it will only get more difficult and more complicated from here. Good luck.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:59 am
Taketwoasprin C says:
So you whored yourself and you are carrying a bastard child. Yet you are more concerned about some dog and a few items left in the yard. You are a real zero. I hope he divorces you and your kid is born retarded. This should teach you a lesson.
September 30th, 2008 at 3:41 am
Lisa G says:
Make a police report. Give it to the landlord, so he can go after him for damages.
File for an annulment.
Ask the landlord how he wants to handle the situation if there was a lease, rental agreement, etc.
He could want you off of the property, or he could expect you to stay and fulfill your agreement while paying for damages.
Take him off of the lease if he is on it, or see if the landlord wants to go after him for his half.
You should contact the father of the child and inform him that you are pregnant and believe that it is his child. Tell him that you want to go the legal route, establish paternity, support, visitation, etc.
That will help avoid future drama.
After you settle up with the landlord, get a small place that you can afford.
If the two of you just purchased the property, sign it over to him and walk away.
Stay in school no matter what happens.
Best wishes
September 30th, 2008 at 4:40 am
that judi says:
I would have done the same thing he did and then some.Live with your choices, girl. Hard lessons.
September 30th, 2008 at 5:26 am
freetobe_007 says:
Hmm. You left your husband alone for the weekend after telling him that the baby you are carrying is not his. You are married but spending the night outside of your home.you see no problem with this. You also can not empathize with what your husband is going through [mood swings and disappearing]. Is there more to this story that you have not told us.
What he has done is not irrational but should have been expected. You are a married woman and pregnant with another man’s child. You two should have seeked counseling the moment you told him. He is having a hard time with what he feels and is torned inside. A part of him loves you and wants to do the right thing but there is another side of him that feels his territory has been marked and he can’t get the image of you with another man out of his head. You have betrayed his trust and defied his love.
Yes, you have betrayed his trust and defied his love. Whether you called off the wedding or broke up as boy/girlfriends, sleeping with someone so soon can hurt the other person and sends a signal that you do not love them enough to work through whatever has occurred. Whether this is true or not, it is about perception at this moment. Then on top of it all, after telling him you are pregnant with another man’s baby, he gives you some small sign of empathy and support and you simply move forward as if nothing has happened and fail to reciprocate the support and empathy for what he is going through. Does this sound at all selfish to you.
Please do not feel as though I am coming down on you however a dose of reality is what is needed here so you can better understand what he is going through.
Sounds to me like hubby is done. He took his anger and hurt out on the home and your things. He also changed the number. Now here is the message he is sending to you:
‘YOU &^%%(., YOU BETRAYED ME AND HURT ME TERRIBLY. I WANT NOTHING ELSE TO DO WITH YOU OR THE OTHER MAN’S BABY. DON”T EVER TRY TO CONTACT ME AGAIN.
Hence the reason his cellphone is no longer in service. He has changed his number and left you.
Put the house back together, empathize with what he is feeling. Does the real father know about the baby.
If you really want him back then send a message to his parent’s home and wait for him to make contact. If he doesn’t then find some support to help you get through your pregnancy and put the pieces of your life back together.
My heart goes out to you and your baby. However, own your part of this marrital meltdown and let your husband know through the letter you will send to his parent’s that you have been a fool for overlooking his feelings and not empathizing with how difficult this must have been for him. Then offer couples counseling or anything he wants to help put the marriage back together.
Best of Luck.
September 30th, 2008 at 6:03 am
Zeep says:
I think your husband got over being supportive and is expressing his true feelings about your pregnancy by another man by leaving.
If the stuff belongs to the landlord, it’s illegal and the landlord can call the police or charge for the missing things. If it’s your place, it’s his stuff as well as yours, and it’s just typical angry leaving behavior, not illegal. I guess you could go to small claims court over your textbooks. I don’t understand the “being in the middle of purchasing it” part, but you may not be going through with the purchase if he may be leaving.
If you’re worried about your husband being mentally OK, with erratic actions and mood swings, and want the police to find him, that’s a reason to call them. If you want them to arrest him for putting your stuff outside and moving out because he’s mad you slept with someone else and got pregnant - that won’t happen.
Maybe the first step is finding him and asking what is going on. Otherwise, I really like Lisa G’s answer above.
September 30th, 2008 at 6:38 am
Lisa G says:
Make a police report. Give it to the landlord, so he can go after him for damages.
File for an annulment.
Ask the landlord TO BE REMOVED FROM THE RENT TO OWN AGREEMENT.
GIVE HIM ALL OF THE INFO THAT YOU HAVE TO GO AFTER HIM FOR DAMAGES, SO YOU WONT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE THINGS HE DESTROYED.
You should contact the father of the child and inform him that you are pregnant and believe that it is his child. Tell him that you want to go the legal route, establish paternity, support, visitation, etc.
That will help avoid future drama.
Stay in school no matter what happens.
Best wishes
UPDATE: He cheated with a stripper. YOU WERE NOT WITH HIM WHEN YOU HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THE OTHER GUY. THIS IS HIS MESS TO CLEAN UP. MAKE THE POLICE REPORT SO HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DAMAGES. HE CAN NOT DESTROY PROPERTY THAT HE DOES NOT OWN, JUST BECAUSE IT DID NOT WORK OUT BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. HE HAS A RIGHT TO BE HURT BECAUSE HE HAD HIS FUTURE INVESTED IN YOU, BUT HE IS TO BLAME AS WELL. HE AGREED TO THE SPLIT. HE COULD HAVE TRIED TO WORK IT OUT. IT HAPPENED AND IT CANT BE CHANGED. HE NEEDS TO MAN UP AND PAY THE LANDLORD.
September 30th, 2008 at 7:20 am